The Happy Happy Birthday Song

Once a year we celebrate

With stupid hats and plastic plates

The fact that you were able to make

A trip around the sun

And the whole clan gathers round

With gifts and laughter to abound

And we let out a joyful sound

And sing this stupid song

Happy birthday!

Now you′re one year older!

Happy birthday!

Your life still isn't over!

Happy birthday!

You′ve not accomplished much

But you didn't die this year

I guess that's good enough

So let′s drink to your fading health

And hope you don′t remind yourself

The chance of finding fame and wealth

Decrease with every year

Does it feel like you're doing laps

And eating food and taking naps

And hoping that someday perhaps

Your life will hold some cheer

Happy birthday!

What have you done that matters?

Happy birthday!

You′re starting to get fatter

Happy birthday!

It's downhill from now on

Try not to remind yourself

Your best years are all gone

If cryogenics were all free

Then you could live like Walt Disney

And live for all eternity

Inside a block of ice

But instead your time is set

This is the only life you get

And though it hasn′t ended yet

Sometimes you wish it might

Happy birthday!

You wish you had more money

Happy birthday!

Your life's so sad it′s funny

Happy birthday!

How much more can you take?

But your friends are hungry now

So cut the stupid cake!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, dear...

(Ralph, Bill, Ralph Kramden, bob, Skippy, the bush kangaroo, Stanly, starts with a 'J', and the b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-bu-)